the date was october 16th

“You can’t intern for 6 months.”

“Sorry, what did you say?”

I stood there looking at the Austrian embassy worker as she sat there on the other side of the glass.

“You want to intern in Austria?” 

“Yes, as a volunteer intern.”

“I'm sorry. You can’t come on this visa.”

My heart dropped.

I wasn’t expecting to hear that when I walked into the embassy that day.

After months of prep work, weeks of making sure I had all the right documentation, and a trip to New York City, all that was built…
fell.

The date was October 16th. 

Planning to arrive in Ireland November 16th.

4 weeks till take off.

God, what is happening?

It’s been over two weeks since that day.

A lot of brainstorming. A lot of processing. A lot of thinking.

A lot of praying.

Going to Austria in August for 8 months fell, going to Austria in January for 6 months fell, going to Austria in April for 3 months fell.

I don’t understand.

Trying to see what can work in this short amount of time.

Trying to remember that God is not outside of this.

Trying to think of how God knew that on October 16^th, I would hear those words that I could not go to a place that has been on my heart for so long.

He knows.

But I can’t deny the hurt.

The other day I was talking with an older woman who’s gone through so many battles of her own. Her faith amazes me. Explaining the situation with the internship, I told her of how I feel like I’m grieving all over again. There's guilt of feeling this way because
“It’s not that big of a deal.”

She responded, “Ell, this is something you’ve emotionally invested in for so long. And now it’s gone. It’s still a loss.”

Loss comes in all sorts of faces.

But she went on to say that one of her husband’s favorite verses is “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps” [Proverbs 16:9].

What truth.

Even though the internship hasn't officially started, it feels as though the lessons have.
This time is not wasted.

He is using this to teach me in ways that I never expected.

I don’t know what’s to come. I don’t know how God is going to work.

But this life is not about me. It’s about Him and His glory, not mine. And I can trust that He is still at work.  That He is still in control.  That He uses destruction for a plan of restoration.

Patience. Diligence. Attitude.

Surrender. Trust. Obedience.

Open
hands.

The call still remains-

To love Him. To love others.

Here and now.

Oh how I need grace.

So as of now, the plan is to go to Ireland for eight months. There I will be helping with ministry outreaches, administrative work, and possible refugee ministry.

To be a learner. To be an ambassador. To be there for Him. 

Different than what was planned. But it'll be okay.
I’m excited for this opportunity and to see what God is going to do.

Thank you for being part of it.

Please let me know how I can be praying for you.

Our God is a faithful God.

All my love,

Ell

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